Capsulated life....
The last few years I have completely rebuilt my life...not only physically, financially, but mentally also....I have come so far and brought my life up from the ashes that had burned it to the ground, have faced obstacles that I never imagined and still made it through. In it all I have built a life that I am proud yet humbled by, for my children deserve nothing less than I have given them and made for them. They are happy, thriving, loved.
I have managed through all to find love again also, to find what I want to be surrounded in. The only thing holding it all back is about 300 miles of earth. I love him, and would have never gone this far into a relationship with someone who lived so far away if I did not feel that this was right, that it was not a waste of either of our time. I have left 2 relationships prior knowing that thought we got along, had great conversation and a great relationship, that we were not meant to be together and that there was someone else out there that was meant to be with this person, and it was not me. But this is so different, I love him, he is everything I have ever dreamed in a man and then some. He is stronger that me (which emotionally is a feat in itself) and loves me unconditionally. I love him enough to give up everything I have built for myself and my girls here and go to Florida to be with him and his children, and build life again there with him and our combined family...
99% of the time there is no doubt, no fear, I am so sure and happy in this love....
Then there is that 1%...my heart drops to my stomach, my fight or flight instinct kicks in and I want to run, take flight go as far as possible, never thinking I could marry again, go down that path and take that risk again, put my kids in that risk again. To give up everything we have here, this perfect little life I have established, me and my three girls, to want to be selfish and just keep this encapsuled life of me and the girls and not have to share it with them. I know what to expect, I know the rules, I know where my kids are and who their friends are, where the closest gas station with the lowest price is and the best place to eat mexican food. These are my stomping grounds, all I have known since my "life" began. Am I willing to share this? Can't I have my cake and eat it too?
I want both but with love comes sacrifice, but why do I suddenly feel like I am the only one making any sacrfices at all? Why do I suddenly let that 1% take over and fear eat away at me?
I have managed through all to find love again also, to find what I want to be surrounded in. The only thing holding it all back is about 300 miles of earth. I love him, and would have never gone this far into a relationship with someone who lived so far away if I did not feel that this was right, that it was not a waste of either of our time. I have left 2 relationships prior knowing that thought we got along, had great conversation and a great relationship, that we were not meant to be together and that there was someone else out there that was meant to be with this person, and it was not me. But this is so different, I love him, he is everything I have ever dreamed in a man and then some. He is stronger that me (which emotionally is a feat in itself) and loves me unconditionally. I love him enough to give up everything I have built for myself and my girls here and go to Florida to be with him and his children, and build life again there with him and our combined family...
99% of the time there is no doubt, no fear, I am so sure and happy in this love....
Then there is that 1%...my heart drops to my stomach, my fight or flight instinct kicks in and I want to run, take flight go as far as possible, never thinking I could marry again, go down that path and take that risk again, put my kids in that risk again. To give up everything we have here, this perfect little life I have established, me and my three girls, to want to be selfish and just keep this encapsuled life of me and the girls and not have to share it with them. I know what to expect, I know the rules, I know where my kids are and who their friends are, where the closest gas station with the lowest price is and the best place to eat mexican food. These are my stomping grounds, all I have known since my "life" began. Am I willing to share this? Can't I have my cake and eat it too?
I want both but with love comes sacrifice, but why do I suddenly feel like I am the only one making any sacrfices at all? Why do I suddenly let that 1% take over and fear eat away at me?
